This past Wednesday, I attended the funeral of a former boss's wife. She was more than just his spouse, we became friends as we spent hours in the office together, laughing and talking. See, her husband ran the range where my daughter trained and practiced. I did inventory management for them in exchange for lessons and range time. I was there anyway, so I put myself to work. It helped ease the financial burden of her training. My then husband was rarely around for practices. He would attend lessons if they were on the weekends, never private lessons, and he was usually present for in house tournaments held by the owner of the range. Many of which, I ran.
However, there was some discord in the team as they felt there was favoritism being displayed toward my daughter. She was successful. Made the Dream Team. Went to national tournaments and often made the podium. She earned her place as an elite member of the team. But we tried not to be conceited or overbearing regarding her wins. But my then husband didn't like how she was being treated. He blew up at her coach at a national tournament in front of everyone. He had me quit and he pulled her from the team that weekend. Yes, we were both angry at how the other team parents were displaying bad sportsmanship, but the damage was done. To this day he maintains he did NOT yell and scream at her coach. But everyone heard it, everyone knew what he did. Later we found out he told her coach to NEVER go near her or speak to her or me again.
So that bridge got burned and I lost contact with people I had been seeing every day for 7 years.
When I got the text from my former boss about the passing of his wife, I was floored. But he was extending the olive branch because he knew how close his wife and I were during those years. A few days later, I got the text with the arrangements for the wake. I took this as an ok for me to attend, so I did. I went with friends and while we were paying our respects, I saw my ex. He came in, strutting like the peacock he is and signed the guestbook. That was when we locked eyes. His face said it all. He was so ticked off that I was there and that I was chatting with someone he thought he had purged from my life. I was actually hugging him. My ex at that moment turned and walked toward the front doors and I thought he was going to sneak around behind me and edge along the wall and probably try to get lost in the pictures the family was displaying. But no. He'd left. He stomped out in a huff. I'm sure he had trolled the parking lot looking for my car, but since I rode with friends, he didn't see it. He probably had the confidence of "knowing" I wasn't there and he was quickly deflated.
Why was he there? I mean, what purpose did he have to show up? In talking with friends about it, if he was there for the deceased and her family, he would have quietly paid his respects, given me the space to do my own thing and left. But that's not what he did, so it's only reasonable to assume that he was there for more nefarious reasons. He wanted to prove that he was the good guy. He wanted to show that it wasn't him that caused the whole thing, but me. And my being there ruptured that bubble he wanted to create and he stormed off like the petulant child that he is. It was also a confirmation that he still trolls facebook for information about our daughter even though she has blocked him. The information was posted on the range's website. Ironically, a website I helped build.
I am not without blame myself. But I also know that in times like this, you set aside differences. You build that bridge back up. My former boss and I had a nice talk. We acknowledged that in the grand scheme of things, what happened was petty and stupid. We acknowledged that what is important is our loved ones, our friendships and we need to remember the important things. We hugged it out. I cried. We left each other in a better place. That was my intention. I let him know that no matter what happened, I still cared about them. I still valued them. He did the same.
I'm glad I went. I am glad I was able to repair even the smallest of issues and I am glad that door has been cracked open. God has a way of letting things play out and pushing people back into each others lives. I went because I followed my heart. I wasn't there to bash my ex, or prove that he is evil. He does that on his own and needs no help from me. I am not asking people to take sides. I'm just asking that they talk to me if they have questions and to remember who I am as a person.
That's the difference that makes the difference. Intentions are always telling. Words without actions to support are just empty. Actions will always speak louder than words. I didn't have to say anything to my ex that night. He got the message loud and clear. I am not destroyed. I am not under a rock. I am here and I am picking up the pieces of my life and I am doing it MY WAY.
