They Say it's YOUR Birthday!

Today is his birthday...and it's taking every ounce of self restraint from texting him HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

In the past, I tried to make his day special, loving and all about him!  Even when archery events or picking our daughter up from school fell on his day, I did all I could to carve out some time just for him.  

Which is more than he did for me.  For years he couldn't remember my birthday.  I had to literally put it in his phone so it reminded him.  I would smile and pretend I liked the carpet cleaner or the new appliance that I didn't ask for was JUST what I wanted and I am not like other women...A new battery for my car is just awesome.  Then he would begrudgingly take me to a restaurant that he liked and there we have it.  He never got me a birthday cake. He never told the restaurant staff it was my birthday.  For my 50th, I knew he would not do anything special so I just said not to worry about it.  And he didn't. My girlfriends stepped in and shamed him. Somehow we so ended up at my favorite restaurant and we had a good time while he sulked. 

There are so many pictures of him smiling over a cake.  Gifts from family and always dinner of his choosing. 

He had no trouble ignoring my birthday after I found out about Debra.  I quickly dropped in importance and I felt the cold sting of discard. 

So why am I struggling with ignoring him on his birthday?  Why do I even care?   Because I truly loved him with everything I am.  Love like that just doesn't die.   It's so hard to mourn someone who is still walking around, very much alive.