Pretend Normal

It is so frustrating and confusing dealing with someone who keeps rewriting history. They rewrite it to absolve themselves of liability or accountability. If you try to reason with them, they talk in circles to confuse you or withdraw all together. I used to call it "plausible deniability",   if he refuses to converse then he doesnt have to remember which lie he told, and when. 

I used to think he changed after being with her. But he never changed. He just took off the mask. No one does what he did and is innocent. No one sneaks around and acts deceptively like he does and is moral. No one plays the self serving game of character and is good. No. When you meet such covert evil such as this, you doubt yourself, you wonder how they got past your radar. Because they are VERY good at what they do. 

And thats how they destroy you.

I don't have the energy...

I really dont.  Life is too short to play games,  yet thats all anyone does anymore.  Are there any genuine people out there?  Seems like everyone wants to scam.  Everyone has an agenda. Everyone has an opinion and everyone passes judgment and eviscerates others who are not like-minded.  The majority is about ME ME ME!  And this is why we have an over population of self centered, self entitled beings who feel the need for instant gratification at the expense of their families.  Loyalty, dedication and perseverance are rare.

I used to be that person who looked for the good in people.  Now I'm distrustful,  wary and closed off.  As a person who feels what others feel, its overwhelming. The lack of warmth, caring and kindness that I deal with on a daily basis is exhausting.

A Little Bit Me...

 Welcome. 

The first post is always the hardest to write.  How much do I share?  How much CAN I share without ripping open new wounds?  How much do YOU, dear reader, want to even know?

I suppose if you are here its for one of a couple of reasons. 

1- You're nosey.  Props!  Sometimes reading other's hurt, pain or situation can make for good reading and comparison to your own life.  Either you will see how good you have it, or how bad it can be.  Or, maybe you think I'm whiny and selfish and you feel better about passing judgement. 

2- You're in a similar situation, and for that I give you BIG HUGS!  I'm so sorry we belong to the same club.

3-You're a flying monkey for one of the parties involved and to that I say...Have a seat...here's some popcorn.  Enjoy!

Ok, so now down to the nitty gritty.  I am a betrayed wife.  My husband, in 2018-2019, who I've known since I was sixteen in high school and have been married to for 16 years decided his co-worker from his second job at Kohl's (and his mom's best friend - read that again...yeah) was his new soulmate.  Now, I can't say for sure that they slept together, but after watching the texts between them top out at 3000 in ONE month, I have a hard time believing they didn't.  He told her he loved her.  He kissed her. They would take walks around the pond near the Kohl's they worked at after shift and "make out and stuff". He bought her jewelry and they took a day trip together downtown for a charity thing through Kohl's Cares while telling me they were going "with a group".  That group was just him and her, in our family car. It was shortly after this that I discovered their EMOTIONAL AFFAIR.  Confronted him, it was ugly. He claimed she GOT him...she was easy to talk to. Fast forward 2 years and as my husband was about to leave on a trip to take our daughter to a tournament, she finds a phone and a card hidden between the seats.  The card had a heart with an arrow through it.  He flipped and wrestled her to get the card and phone back, hurting her in the process when he slammed her against my car.  

This was the beginning of the end. 

He doesn't feel he cheated, because he didn't sleep with her. He doesn't feel he did anything wrong. His mother enabled the relationship by giving him the phone so he could secretely get back in touch with her.  She also teams up with the other woman to stalk me online and harass me. His mother also disowned our daughter because she stood up for me and didn't even come to our daughter's graduation...more on that in another post. 

So here I am.  Desperately trying to heal while stuck in a bad relationship because he's ruined our credit, financially run us into the ground and has basically distanced himself from us, physically and emotionally.  Our now 18 year old daughter has lost all respect for him in the way he refuses to take any accountability, denies any wrong doing and treats me like I am expendable. She effectively wants nothing to do with him.  Of course, he and his family, blame me for this.

So now you have a very shallow overview of what happened.  The other woman (OW) is still very much in the picture, if only behind the scenes with my MIL.  

This is my story.  How I have survived, almost died, shattered and soared.  How badly I handled some things and how well I have others.  How I learned to set boundaries and how triggers can blindside you.  I'm still very much on this journey back to me, but one thing I have found is that talking about it helps.  Sometimes, our stories can help us feel less lonely, less crazy and less victimized. 

Thank you for stopping in and sharing a few minutes of your life reading this.  I promise I will share more.  But right now, I 'm going through some hurt again. (He always finds new ways to hurt me) and I apologize in advance as I flash back from time to time and bounce between past and present.  I write when I'm inspired, it doesn't always find a timeline.  I encourage you to leave comments but I warn you I will not tolerate flaming in any way.  Sisters in this club are always welcome to share or to talk and even brothers who have felt the sting of betrayal.  It's not a fun place to be. 

Peace.