In my husband's family, they were the only important and worthy beings. The matriarch and her three boys were the core. She controlled them, she manipulated them. It was creepy and almost incestual how they interacted. There was competition between the boys to be her favorite. Their wives had to be agreeable, moldable and obey. OBEY! My monster in law was Danish. She felt she was superior to any other nationality because she was Danish. She traveled to Denmark, she spoke Danish and she was end all be all Danish. I am only a quarter Danish but had a Danish last name. My father's family were shipbuilders, I think, but I know my last name was not discussed. My mom is full blooded Italian, but according to my MIL, not a GOOD Italian. Sicilian was dirty. They were creaters of the mafia and my mom's family wasn't notable (even if Al Capone attended my grandparents' wedding). My traditions, my beliefs had to be stripped and I had to adopt hers and her family's because they were superior.
Living like this, is difficult with narcs. You're never enough. You're never worthy. You're always a second or third class citizen. Your family doesn't matter. You are judged and convicted and you WILL conform or be shunned. I became anxious whenever I had to deal with her or the family. I never felt like I was accepted or fit in. If I spoke up, I was difficult or too demanding. I was UNSAFE.
The hardest part has been breaking away from this family. They are scarier than the mafia because they are more nefarious. The fact that my daughter wants nothing to do with any of them has set them on an all out vendetta. They are trying to destroy me so they can pull her back in the ranks. She will be punished of course for her wayward actions, but, she will be brought back at all costs. They must WIN and because she sided with me, they will do everything and anything to WIN! Turn her against me and prove that I am the crazy train she hitched her caboose to. The manipulation they stoops to, the coaching, the drama and they way they spread lies is incredible. Think of the most whacked out Lifetime movie and you have this family.
Toxicity. It's more than just radioactive sludge. It's a way of life. It erodes a sane person's confidence and it makes you feel like you have lost your ever loving mind. Long term exposure causes loss of self esteem, memory function and severe anxiety and frustration forms. Communication is lost and you find yourself wondering why you suddenly have issues with people and relationships fall away. You lose long term friends and family outside the coven is forbidden. Violation of their rules results in severe punishment resulting in a neurosis that causes an inability to make a rational decision without constant over thinking. Digestive problems and sleep issues develop and the tiniest little thing results in overreactions.
This family never takes responsibility for anything they do or say. They use silent treatments as a form of punishment when confronted with their bad behavior. They stick up for each other, even if they are wrong. They band together to out a person and to punish in unison. They create stories together to support each other. I'm not 100% sure, but I believe they sacrifice their enemies during the full moon.
Leaving a narcissist and his enabling family is almost more than most of us can bear. It requires a coven of our own. Family, friend, a good attorney to fight for you, fight for your kids. It takes a person who has been through it to see it. It's a lonely fight. A tumultuous fight. A fight that sometimes you feel like you might lose. But don't give up. Don't give in. Don't let them win.
Stay true to yourself. Go no contact. Block all forms of communication from them. They can and will send their monkeys to spy, lock everything down. The less of you that you allow them to access, the less they have to control. Zip up that Hazmat suit of privacy and go out into the world. I'm over here in mine. I'll wave as you walk by.
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