R E S P E C T...Find out what it means to me!

Today, I realized just how controlled and manipulated I was in my marriage with the Narc. Today, I was left in tears by my friend, a man who has been ever so patient with me and kind and encouraging.  Today, I realized through the smallest of gestures, just how cleverly I had been groomed to accept, less than.  

Less than the basic human needs.

Less than common courtesy.

Less than general decency.

Less than...

One of the biggest frustrations I had with the Nex was that I would text him and he would not respond.  Sometimes, days would go by before I would hear from him.  I would ask him something in the morning, and by the time I went to bed, MAYBE he would respond, and usually only after I bagered him.  I literally had to beg and plead to get him to just help me out. 

I was usually get an "I'm BUSY!" reply after I called him to follow up and see if he even GOT the text, and usually it was hours after.  He didn't go to the bathroom?  No lunch?  Didn't walk over to the other building that would afford him a second or two to respond?  No.  He didn't have time for me and when I mentioned that this was rude, I was made to feel small and unworthy for asking.  Afterall, he was providing for us...right?

But today, I texted my friend.  Asked him if he would be available to come over sometime next Saturday to let my dog out and feed her as I will be downstate at Parents weekend with my daughter from 8am until near midnight.  I didn't know it, but i had messaged him while he was at a game with his grandson.  But he found a few seconds to send me this...

 

He has absolutely no idea that his quick message to me left me in tears. Unsolicited human decency.  Proof that I wasn't out of line, controlling, demanding or too much.  This is what NORMAL people do for those they care about.  They communicate, they respect and they give kindness through courtesy.

I sobbed as I drove home, completely confused as to why, but it finally dawned on me...   This....this is what it is SUPPOSED to be like.  This was I was asking for.  This is what I was craving. 

Human decency to a Narcissist is poison.  Anything that requires that they follow rules or give of themselves without a note of adoration or commendation is dismissed, just as he dismissed me. 

Today, I was seen.  I was acknowledged  as valuable. I was treated with respect and my inquiry deserved to be answered by someone who didn't have to.