I know. It's been a really long time since I have posted. It has been a helluva summer. Moving 2x in 30 days, fighting himself to get money that is mine, and then, this. Freedom Day. The day he finally stopped nitpicking and allowed the divorce to be final. But he wasn't done. Nope. He showed up at my place of employment demanding to see me, causing chaos among my co-workers as he became aggressive with them. I went (with my supervisor) to see him. He thrusted the car title and 2 checks from our escrow dated over a month prior into my hands. "We need to cash these checks," he spat.
I looked at them. They are bank checks. They can't immediately be cashed in total like was done prior with the US Treasury refund checks. They have to go through a 3 day check hold. He became very agitated and started to yell. "I don't understand why you can't cash them like before? The other girl just took my ID and I signed a paper and she gave me my half!"
I kicked into business mode. As my insides quaked in absolute fear of him, I lifted my chin and explained as calmly as I could that government checks are guaranteed. Bank checks are not. I turned to the teller and asked if I had enough in my account to cover his half of the escrow checks, which I did. So I said to deposit the checks and issue a cashiers check to my ex and he could be on his way. That wasn't good enough. He wanted cash, He's getting a check. But he wants cash. Well, he's getting a check. See, I wanted the paper trail. I could pull the cleared check and file that baby away so he can't claim he didn't get his half. Because...he would.
And here's where the Narcissist thought process takes over. See, he felt justified coming into my place of employment and bullying everyone, including me, to get what he wants. Of course he says he was just trying to get stuff done, but we all know...not true. Checks presented in September that are dated in mid July, do not present an urgency. He was mad I didn't show up to court for the finalization and he was mad he couldn't intimidate me.
So that's when he started ignoring. me. See, I followed up that visit with a very CLEAR email outlining how he is NEVER to do that again or he will be escorted from the premises. He didn't like that. No one tells him what to do. So when time passed and I didn't get the information for him transferring his phone from my account and the paperwork didn't come for his 401k in the timeframe it was supposed to, I was requested to contact him to get the information. I tried. Verizon tried. Dozens of times, but he ignored me. Ignored every single time. My attorney had to contact his council to get items resolved. So typical.
Yet here I am, feeling very lonely. Self blaming and over analyzing every single thing that happened and beating myself up. I swing from anger to despair to depression and back to anger. I try to apply what I have learned in my sessions, but the nighttime is the worst. When it's quiet and my brain won't shut off. I don't want to lean on my friends anymore and I am angry at myself for falling for him and fighting for a marriage that was long over without my knowledge. I get hurt over discoveries, I am infuriated when he tries to contact MY family and play the good guy. I watch as he moves on with the woman that he claimed was ONLY A FRIEND and who's husband has finally had enough and has filed for divorce. Now I understand why he finally let go. He has his new supply.
I find it so difficult to move past the evil. The deceptions. The calculated way he hurt our family. His manipulations, lies and I struggle with how he told me he loved me, wanted us, but was f'cking another woman at his mom's condo. I don't understand how he could claim he wanted to work things out, but didn't do a thing to WORK on us. How he reused lines and songs and movies and restaurants to woo me with her. I was nothing. Just supply to be fed off of to keep his facade up and running. I was nothing. Not human, not a person with feelings...nothing. He skipped away, laughing and with little regard to the destruction he left behind. He didn't clean up anything, he didn't help with the sale of the house, the move, the purging. He just DEMANDED this and DEMANDED that. Then he discovered the fact that his daughter wants nothing to do with him is a red flag to others, started stalking her at her work too! Sending her unwanted texts, stalking her on social media and having others spy on her. He wants what HE wants, not what's best for everyone. But then, he's a narcissist.
And narcissists don't care about anyone but themselves.
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