It has been hell since Dday #1. 5 years in survival mode, being gaslit, stonewalled, and emotionally manipulated into feeling invisible, unimportant and unworthy. I watched the love of my life love someone else. I watched as he turned against me, planned, schemed and plotted his exit to be with someone he's known for a hot minute. I lost my dignity and my self worth fighting for someone who didn't give a flying fck about me. I begged for basic needs. I cried alone as he went for hours without texting me back only to finally respond "I'm BUSY!!". He led a double life as a single man while married to me.
Years of this eroded me into a person I no longer recognized or liked.
Now I am dealing with another life stress as I deal with my Narcissistic aging father. And I am not doing it well because I can't cope any longer. I used to be so organized and decisive and now I shut down when faced with decisions.
I long for peace. I ache for quiet. I yearn for sanity.
I need time for just me. But life keeps pulling me toward other needs and I feel like I am losing grip.
He broke me in ways I didn't know were possible. I shattered into so many pieces, I haven't found them all yet.
But I know my will is there. It keeps pulling me through. And I have hope despite all the fallout around me. My faith carries me when I cannot walk. It gives me strength when I stumble.
In the end, I know I will come through this. I just cant give up. This will not be the end of my story. I will not allow him to win.
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