Paranoia big destroyer

So this thing happened with my storage sliding door and I am struggling to get it up the 6" and back on the track. Can't. It's too big and heavy. 

"Neighbor" comes and helps me with it. We chat for a bit, some other neighbors stop by...(keep in mind it's 95 degrees in this garage and I have been cleaning out my car. I am a sweaty mess with makeup melted off my face). I casually thank him for his help and turn away, closing off the conversation. 

I am unable to believe a guy like him MIGHT like someone like me...whether in just friendship or something else. And so I refuse to believe he is being anything but nice. Part of this is because he only interacts when he sees me or knows I am around. He doesn't text unless I do first but will flag me down when I am walking my dog or if we pass each other.  Sometimes he offers to help with things and he is a really sweet guy. But...and this is a big but...He makes me feel like my ex did...totally inadequate. Which I totally believe is of my own doing, but this makes me rethink if I am ready. When I feel worse instead of better after interaction with him, it's not a good fit. And I am totally aware it's me. My self esteem is in the toilet along with my insecurities. These all stem from my narc. I always felt 2nd best. Like he settled for me. He always chose strangers over me and I never felt good enough or worthy enough. And just when I think I'm getting past this, I get slammed right back. I don't know what happened to me. I don't want to chase someone for the basics. I just want to be loved. But I am apparently, not worthy in my own head. 

I want to be loved and to love again.  But I am still too scared.  Too hurt.  And I am so afraid of disappointing another person and hurting them because I am too damaged.  I am afraid of ruining another relationship because I was emotionally abused so badly.  

People tell me I will open up when it is right. But I don't know how that will happen when I can't even trust enough to give someone a chance.  My ex fu*#ed me up so badly that the thought of letting anyone in terrifies me.  And add to that my feeling of ugly on top of that?  I am literally a hot flipping mess.