The Nex used to have such a great relationship with our daughter. I used to be so happy that she had the relationship I always wanted with my father. He was there for her. He was present for her. But then I started to notice things. Things that began to concern me. How he would latch onto something and it would become HIS thing to do with her, even tho maybe I started the tradition, like a Christmas outing to Marshall Fields or the Nutcracker. Or her birthday off from school and we would go somewhere.
He pushed her into comic books, Marvel, DC and would sometimes get her into characters with storylines that were too old for her. She was only 4.
When she started Archery, I was the one who took her to her lessons and paid for her rentals etc. When it came time to get her her own equipment, he took that over and did it without me. It wasn't until she started winning tournaments that he became more involved in her day to day lessons. Half the time, it was all on me. I was the involved mom. I was a Girl Scout Leader, I was the PTO VP, I was the volunteer during my off months and I was the one who was at every single Parent/Teacher conference, school concert or field trip. He meanwhile started missing concerts, conferences and he never volunteered for a classroom or a field trip.
When he started the affair with Debra, his family became low priority. All of his time, money and effort went into Debra. Our daughter was lucky to see him for an hour or so on the weekend. He stopped doing things with her. He missed things, unless it suited his hero dad complex. He also tried to pit her against me, much like his mother did by telling her I was a liar.
He tried to get our daughter to like and accept Debra, but that didn't happen. So when the finality of the divorce came, it was of no surprise that he had no plans for his daughter in his future life. When I asked if he would be someplace where she could come visit or stay with him, he said no. I asked if he ever planned to hold space for her, and he said...NO!
So why was it such a surprise to him when after the finalization of the divorce that she came with me? Maybe because I made space for her in my life? I continued to be her parent? I made sure she had somewhere she could call home? Instead, he would go to her job and stand there and stare at her. Hoping she would say something. It got to the point she had an action plan to avoid him. Her boss had the pharmacy contact him to tell him he had to move his prescription to another location.
Now he tells people that she isn't his biological child.
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